Every year, I find myself eagerly packing up my cello and heading back to a course called Holiday Music. And every year, without fail, I leave the course feeling stretched, inspired, and more deeply connected to music and to people than I thought possible.
Finding Confidence Through Chamber Music: My Journey with Performance Anxiety
When I first picked up the cello in my late thirties, I never imagined how much courage it would take just to play in front of others. I’d built a career, accomplished things in my life that required confidence and resilience—yet when it came to performing music, especially in front of people, I found myself completely undone.
It took a lot just to reach the point where I could play with others. My friend Claire Smith gave me my first opportunity: she offered me time and a slot to perform in small, informal student concerts. I’ll never forget how baffling it felt to collapse musically in front of a group of amused children, when in every other area of my life I could stand up with ease.
Over conversations with fellow adult learners, I discovered this is incredibly common. The cure, though, wasn’t some magic trick—it was exposure. More exposure came through informal gatherings with friends, where the stakes felt low, and then Claire, who was also learning the cello at the time, suggested I join Holiday Music.
That decision opened the door to a whole new world.
I still remember my first performance at the course: my bow hand was shaking. But this time, I didn’t fall apart. Thanks to the encouraging, effective tuition of the tutors, and the fellow players, I made it through. That moment was a turning point.
From there, everything changed. I met more people I could play with. I learned more repertoire. I was introduced to new ensembles and found myself playing regularly with groups I’d never have imagined joining. The more I played with others, the more I learned how to recover when something went wrong. I discovered that security on stage doesn’t mean perfection—it means knowing how to get back into the music.
Watching others perform was just as important. I saw that we were all on the same journey, though at different stages. Each of us was striving to express something through music, and each of us cared deeply about it. That understanding took away much of the fear and replaced it with empathy—and joy.
Looking back, joining Holiday Music was one of the best decisions I ever made. It unlocked not just confidence, but a lifelong joy of making music with others. And that joy is unforgettable.
– Antonella
